Robert Audley

Educator | Author | Counselor | Coach | Parent

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My Family LOVED...LOVES...Youth Sports!

Before our first child was born, my dad’s side of the family stated, “Well, we have only seen boys on our side of the family.” We opted to wait until his or her first day to find out.  Like so many other new parents, that day changed my life for the better.  My daughter!

On her 4 month birthday I quit my job as a Guidance Counselor to take care of her for 10 months.  Two years later her sister was born and we moved to a home near a large green area with neighbor kids to run and play with.  Turns out our kids were very good at running, balance, motor skills and most important they loved it. My wife found an ad for soccer registration so our life changed again.  For the next 25 years with two more kids, sons, all available time was spent on a variety of sports. Competitive teams, camps, practice, extra training, tournaments, indoor sports, coaches and most important friends, many many friends from everywhere.  My kids friends ‘ parents were now my friends and many were like family.  So much Fun!

From this experience, my time as their parent, coach and coaching for school teams, competitive tournament teams along with my own formal training as a coach and working for experienced coaches, I offer my view of the good and, currently frustrating part of youth sports. 

Sports offers Parents amazing opportunities to teach their kids while creating a solid relationship. That relationship is the platform, the power you both need to create a life designed by your child.  YOU can have an impact in important abilities such as social skills, curiosity, resilience, integrity, resourcefulness, creativity, empathy and self-awareness. Sport involvement gives Parents direct access to teachable moments regarding each ability.

Adding sports and like activities outside of school gives Parents the opportunity to engage in developing critical abilities that are difficult to expand on from the classroom.  Like activities can be swimming, kickball, handball,  racquetball, scouts, camping, frisbee competition, frisbee golf, golf, tennis, badminton, squash, chess, checkers, cards, theater, concert band, marching band, chorus, school newspaper, student government, debate team, color guard, robotics club.  Two high schools I worked at had very active and successful robotics clubs. Young people very involved in every phase of the project was beyond amazing.  

Is there an air of competition? Absolutely and that is great!  We learn so much from competition.  We learn competition is external, a measurement against others AND internal, improving from where we are to where we want to be.  Awesome opportunity to check on those abilities!

ORGANIZED SPORTS

Typically,  kids and young families introduce themselves to sports at the recreation level.  At some point, many decide they wish to play in a more competitive format with like minded players and coaches.  Both recreation and competitive teams share the same issues that severely dampen participation.

Just shy of 75% of American families have at least one child in youth sports.  Why choose to participate in youth sports? The obvious answer is fun, friends and a healthy lifestyle. The less obvious answer is the immediacy of the sport experience.  For example, the car ride home from practice and games.  You share an experience with your child.  Everything you talk about is immediate.  A discussion about kids and adults in practice. Game outcomes, ownership of performance, behavior, beliefs about self, others, life, responsibility…on and on!  You are part of the narrative as it unfolds from their perspective. You can guide them toward an effective lifestyle, assist with decision making, create values, define how a true leader behaves, build confidence by improving skill which parallels learning in and out of the classroom.  They see how their brain works, what impacts them, what they believe about the wide spectrum of personalities, do they enjoy few or many friends, how do they deal with rejection, poor performance from self and others, question coaches’ decisions and the authority of others. Sports can teach kids how to develop the value of discipline, staying on task, organized and staying focused. All of this can fall under the heading of character development and what I like to call, creating a life in and out of the classroom.  Best part, you can help them make it fun and guide them toward creating a life they want.

Oh ya, if your kids’ friends need a ride you get to hear what they have to say, relate to each other, what happens if the conversation turns bad toward talk of others and you are right there taking it in to store away for a later discussion.  Most likely, you will laugh along with them all the way home.  We still talk about the ride home when they were roaring with laughter. You may actually be leading them, teaching them to laugh. That is the fun they need!

CHALLENGES

So, what are the challenges to sport participation? Sport participation has become a major issue.  The sad fact is 70% of participating kids quit by the time they reach 8th grade.  Leaving a sport is by no means a poor decision if there is a good reason like, “I would like to explore other activities.”  Unfortunately, for many kids the reason for leaving is simply, “I have had enough.” They are running from something bad instead of running to something better.

The primary answer why kids quit sports is lack of fun.  It simply is not fun. Conversations and remarks by young players reveal that sports have become too competitive. Yet, sports can be competitive and fun.  That part falls on the shoulders of coaches and parents.  

In YOUTH SPORTS, competition does not mean yelling at kids.  Ask the kids and they reflect on coaches yelling at them, referees yelled at by adults on both sides of the field, fans yelling at players.  Winning is immensely rewarding. Never stray from that reality.  But, are threatening words or posturing the best way to WIN on a field, in a classroom and in a relationship?  You can be very competitive without yelling in a threatening manner. You can raise the bar, express high expectations in a manner that keeps them in the game and helps them improve.  The threatening style does not work for kids!  Does it work for players we watch on tv?  It might, IF coaches and players have developed a healthy relationship.  IF players are older and more mature then yes, maybe it works.  We only see the performance on tv, we don’t see all the practice and discussions leading up to the game.

Competitiveness is wanting to win!  Why would you step on a field and not want to win?  The issue is, many adults do not know how to teach competitiveness.  Eight year old Timmy will dribble a soccer ball as far as he can to score which is awesome.  An adult will then tell him he should pass to Ted for the sole reason of giving Ted a chance to touch the ball. That is not competitive, that is called sharing.  Now Tim is playing Lacrosse and passes the ball back to his goalie who misses the pass and watches the ball go in the goal, scoring for the other team.  Tim runs to the sidelines, rips his helmet off, swearing while throwing it on the ground.  Tim is instructed not to get mad, why not!  He just scored for the other team.  Get mad but don’t behave this way.  Get back on the field and try again.  Both are awesome learning opportunities, teachable moments that parents can witness and be a part of.  Both situations can be corrected while still appealing to their own desire to compete. 

Where can you find examples of a misguided adult message about how to be competitive?

Go to a game, recreation or tournament level competition.  Listen to parents and coaches because that is what kids hear.  You would think some parents are disgusted with their kid. Listen for crude remarks made about a human being acting as a referee and coach.  Hear how many coaches sound like they truly hate a player, and will yell at other players, sometimes on the other team.  

As a kid, you may avoid being yelled at, but your buddy is not so lucky.  How does that impact a young person?  Fear of who is next, the impact on your buddy.  Do they wonder why this guy can yell at us but my parents would never yell at my buddy because, well, it’s just wrong.  Yet, in this arena, apparently it is ok.  It is not ok! It robs our kids of fun and promotes an unhealthy picture of how to be competitive.

As a parent, you are the major influence on your child.  Teachers and coaches can impact as well but nothing close to parents. You truly are the power behind your child creating a life they want.  Given that, please remember your child wants to play because it is fun.  They want the opportunity to discover a sport they like and would like to improve.  Kids love to be part of a team, making and keeping friends and learn to enjoy staying in shape.

You will encounter beliefs about growth in sports that simply are not true. As their #1 influencer you will be the buffer from many adult ideas of what sports are.  Many will push the idea that playing one sport will make them better and improve faster than other players. Not true! Research has well documented this to be a bad idea and it does not work.  You will hear talk of continued play and training will lead to a college scholarship.  Sure, but for very few.  If college is the goal, save/invest your money.  That too works.  Parents will want you to know they are very tough on their child for that is the road to success.  Coaches will rely on that approach to excuse horrible behavior.  Research and my own experience clearly state, it doesn’t work. Clearly, not once did I experience a parent win with that approach.  Oooops, did I say the parents did not win?  Their child lost out!

“Hey Mom, Dad!  I want to try out for that tournament team!”

The reason to move toward a more competitive team has to come from your player.  It may be your suggestion but they have to believe it was really their idea, ownership. The motivational force fueling this is doing something you love to do.  The beautiful part of this experience is what they learn about creating a life they want.  But, none of it works if parents are stuck on performance and ridiculous future aspirations.  Your kid needs respect, affection and love to make this work.  That is your job! 

Moving to a more competitive team is about winning and development.  Unfortunately, many tournament teams are more about winning and less about player development.  It is more than winning as a team.  It is about earning playing time, winning as a supportive teammate on or off the field. Competition with like minded peer athletes is different from playing at a recreation level.  Is your little player mature enough to compete?  At a young age, competition is the comparison to others.  When they see their abilities are not as good as others, how will that impact them?  Will you be aware of it and be there for them?  As a team, will your child be happy when not the best player or making the great play to win the game?  How will they handle a loss?  Are you and your child prepared to deal with an aggressive, inappropropriate coach?  What if your son is not getting the attention other players are?  Will you and your child be able to work this out to the betterment of your child?

Are you a parent who believes your kid should be striving for a Division 1 college scholarship?  If so, please recognize that is your goal and not your child’s goal. Such a goal cannot be fully understood at a young age. That is on you and you will need to get rid of it.  It will ruin everything.  If you want your child to play past age 12 then get them involved in many activities and sports.  Your child will discover and inform you what they love to do.

sports

Will your family value performance over the joy of participation at the competitive level?  Will you be upset when they underperform during a paid training?  On the other hand, when they perform better than others will you help balance a false sense of superiority that our society supports?  We have to make sure sports bring out the best in all of us, not the worse.  Love and respect that is not linked to performance is key.

Is your family prepared to grab on to the positive benefits of sports such as learning how to deal with stress, work with peers, adult coaches and parents not sharing your values, competition on the field and sidelines, poor referees, poor decisions.  

Sports at the recreation and competitive level can be that fantastic opportunity to improve at something they love.  They learn what it takes to improve.  Learn to work, effort, listen to others who can help, not tie their self confidence in what other people think.   Kids learn the value of listening and establishing goals. The great value of putting off something you really want to do but must first attend practice or attend to your own training schedule. Kids can learn resilience, grit, time management and improved healthy existence.  

Selecting a PROGRAM for the competitive player

In our area there were abundant programs for baseball, soccer, lacrosse, with many tournament teams for all sports. Tons of sport opportunities.  Huge complexes dedicated to just about everything, even teaching your child to ride a bike.   So, what to look for?

When your child has decided on a sport or two then finding a program is the next natural step.  Most programs have a posted mission statement on a website which is great.  The next step is to watch a game/practice or two.  Do they live up to their objective?  How are teams selected, by age, ability, maturity?  How do coaches treat kids, do they teach, are they fair to all players, is practice structured to teach game-like skills, do players learn just one position?  Are coaches trained, by whom, how are teams created, is safety a goal?  How do coaches communicate to parents and kids? When is practice?  Can they play another sport?  Is there a penalty for missing practice?  Are coaches open to discussions?  How do kids behave?  Do they show interest, do they talk to the coach, do they seem to enjoy teammates?  Talk to parents.  What is the cost, how are payments accepted?  Is fun allowed?  Watch kids after practice…are they happy or does it seem like a job?

The COACH

My own kids played baseball, softball, soccer, lacrosse.  Each stayed at the recreation level for baseball and softball and moved to competitive tournament teams for soccer and lacrosse. Along the way they experienced a wide variety of coaching styles at the recreational and competitive level.  Unfortunately, some were absolute monsters with obvious issues and not much going on upstairs at each level of play for each sport.  

Great coaches that taught, respected and cared are still brought up in conversation with deep appreciation and gratitude.  My youngest had a lacrosse coach who represented everything you want in a coach. Great guy!  Crazy sense of humor with kids and adults.  Kids hopped in the car after practice and laughed at all the crazy stuff that goes on in practice and what the coach had to say.  They loved him and were very successful despite a wide range of talent, no cuts.

Experience and research supports how a good coach can keep kids interested in staying active and excelling.  A good coach communicates confidence in players, cares about them and is committed to development.  Top Olympic athletes claim coaches who helped them the most were considered friends, providing technical and emotional support.  That works! Coaches adopting the opposite approach simply lose touch with kids and parents.  Kids quit for the wrong reasons and lose faith in their abilities.

What is a good coach? As pointed out earlier, coaching is important because studies show 70% of kids in sports quit by age 13 because it is no longer fun. 13 years old!  So, let’s look at the impact of a negative styled Coach.  The old style of threat, sarcasm, aggressive, unattached, asking “what were you thinking” embarrassing questions, humiliation is negatively stressful and for most kids is destructive.  Such an approach limits creativity, decisions making, creates shame for poor decisions, lowers performance, motivation and interest in playing at all.  When this happens you will have much to discuss with your child.  Find out how your child feels, what she believes about herself and team is critical.  If left alone it will fester and spread in other areas of life.  Now is the time for Parents to be what the Coach is not during the car ride home.

A good Coach uses failure as a teachable/learning moment, something to grow with not to limit effort.  When this happens build on it. When Coaches use inappropriate language jump on it.  It’s not a subjective reflection of a child, it’s right out in the open with no room for denial.  Not saying anything sends the wrong message about what you expect from your child and their friends.  It defines relationship skills on a negative level, that this language is sometimes ok.  I have watched teams with Coaches displaying this language season after season with no repercussions.  Sad, but players start mimicking the same toward teammates, who are their friends.

From recreation to college play your player will experience nightmarish and fantastic coaches.  For some, supporting the inappropriate coach experience serves as preparation for tolerating future inappropriate bosses.  To tolerate does not mean you have to accept it.  The burden does not have to be placed on the player.  The burden of acceptance by the player could be the burden of change on the coach.  Can change actually happen?  That is the premise of the discussion with your child.  The balance of risk-reward and the complexities of decision makers you appeal to must be part of the discussion.  That discussion, in my mind, is immensly important and valuable.  The process of reaching a decision is absolutely priceless for a developing young person.  That experience alone is a strong reason to be involved in sports.

Is your child good enough, will they practice to improve to stay in the game?

Up to 12/14 years old your child can experience a variety of team and individual sports.  The age is simply an arbitrary guide.  Each individual and sport is vastly different.  One of my kids stopped playing soccer because the grass was too high and the shin pads hurt. We never expected that reaction.  Many experiences are far in my memory but the image of him removing his shin pads and complaining the grass is too high is still front and center.  So amazing!  But, he eventually chose to play soccer 4 years later and continued to play and improve in college.  Ya never know in advance!

So, how can Parents keep kids in the game?  Try to keep from intense competition until they are ready.  Tournament style teams prepare to win and playing time is not equal.  Difficult to get better while riding the bench. So they have to progress on their own.  Are they ready for that?  Can they earn playing time?  Are they good enough?  If not, they may find the lack of opportunity to be frustrating enough to quit playing completely and that is not good.  As discussed, good coaching goes a long way to keeping kids interested and developing.  This holds true for a gifted, motivated player as well. A bad coach can negatively impact a young player to never effectively reach their potential or even continue participation.  Again, check the Coach out!

Looking back on my experience as a parent and coach, when I was starting out in both roles, I believed everybody can improve.  I believed it then and just as strongly today.  My message was always about the process of getting better and the true audience is in your head.  But, when looking to invest a large chunk of your young developmental years to one sport or team, we have to ask OURSELVES, is she good enough to continue? Does she have the NATURAL talent to continue playing with kids who train as much and have that natural gift to play extremely well?

I asked an experienced Coach which is better, the natural athlete or the hard working player.  He quickly answered, a combination of the two is best but that person is hard to find. His next choice was the natural athlete.  Everybody appreciates, respects and even likes the hard worker more.  You even cheer for him harder.  But, in the end, in the eyes of this experienced Olympic Coach with international recognition, he is picking the natural, gifted player.  So, who gets more playing time?

Consider a conversation with an experienced batting coach for a Major League Baseball team. He made sure I understood the trainers and skill coaches do know what they are doing. And, he really wanted me to understand that trainers put the message out there, THEY are the reason so-and-so is the great batter today due to their guidance and players’ hard work. He wanted me to completely understand that YES the training and practice works. Yes, training and practice with a great trainer will make a difference. But, what gets lost in the message is that these guys were extremely good the very first time they picked up a bat. He pointed at players and said, “sure they got better with training but they were extremely good when they arrived.” It was in them, it was natural.

As a result, the message we get is hard work will get you a spot on the team.  Great training will help you get on that team and earn playing time.  Yes, you will improve.  Will you make the team and play if you are now competing against gifted players who are probably training too?  

Did I ever tell my kids or players they were not good enough to be on a team?  Yes and No!  It depends on the person in front of you, your child and your best judgement. For a couple of my own kids we did have that conversation when considering trying out for a high level of play, absolutely.  We covered WHY they wanted to be on this team, the roster, the opportunity to play the position they sought in a very honest manner,  As Parents, we strayed from offering opinions but asked questions.  Really wanted them to find their own answers.  For other kids and players, the determination and desire to try was so strong we would have simply been in the way. Encouragement was the only option. Let them run with it and outcomes will teach them and us what to do next.

The real learning experience for me was from my own kids and committed players I worked with.  They always worked harder than most.  Went above and beyond with extra training with people that could really help.  Speed training with coaches from local universities and 1-1 with former professional players.  Did it help!  Yes, and they loved it.  They did improve and that was the MAGIC!  

You gotta define MAGIC!  That is the premise, the main idea!  We want our kids, and for ourselves, to cultivate the INTERNAL reward to be the ultimate prize.  The prize is not walking off the field to cheers but for the joy of the game, the experience of it. For some the joy is knowing you reached your goal despite how much time you played. The joy may be dropping yourself in the passenger car seat after a hard rewarding training/practice hearing your own applause and feeling the joy inside for what you know was accomplished.  The challenge of pushing beyond your perceived limits means you are alive and well.  You beat your own doubts, you did your best. Kids can learn to have joy instead of negatively pounding on themselves.  That MAGIC, that development, is what your child gets to keep forever and utilize in all arenas they choose.

So, back to my original idea.  If your child does not have the same natural ability as other players at the next level of play, should they continue?  It is a conversation to have, with you, your partner and maybe your child.  It depends on your child.  But, we have to consider that each of us has our own talent in certain arenas and there are MANY arenas.  It can be in a sports arena or in another.  Being on a team with limited playing time may be a legitimate goal and they will experience the MAGIC.  It may be the MAGIC is in another arena, tough transition at first but may be the best decision.  But, getting to the MAGIC is what you want for your child!

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP OUR KIDS STAY IN THE GAME & GET BETTER

The Sports Gene, David Epstein encourages parents to give kids opportunities to diversify, play a variety of sports.  Specializing in one sport limits what kids know and run a high risk of not participating in what they truly would enjoy and pursue to improve at.  Experimenting is key! 

I know kids who play 3 lacrosse tournaments per month.  This group of boys are in 3rd grade.  By the time they hit 13 years old they run the risk of boredom, especially if they are assigned the same position game after game. It becomes a job with an end goal of college play, Division 1. 

Playing different sports can create a mental approach of playing without fear of failure.  Playing the game without judgement allows learning to take place much like how people learn to talk. When my daughters played soccer and lacrosse they experienced far less fear in one over the other sport.  That was worth exploring. Teach yourself how to overcome fear in all areas of your life.

Parents directing kids to play one sport risk overuse of muscle groups leading to fatigue and injury.  Several sports give kids the opportunity to participate in several peer groups. As they mature cognitively and physically they find their way with multiple groups of friends.

Research shows college scholarship athletes played more than one sport.  The average age they started to specialize is 15.4.  If your child is a rare specimen from the sport gods he/she will travel a different route.  For the majority of athletes, a variety of sports serves kids much better.  From my own experience, it is extremely rare to see kids specializing in one sport and going on to play college.  They are burned out, don’t play and end up completely unsatisfied and unhappy.  

Parents and Coaches can encourage their players to evaluate themselves.  This type of introspection is not immediately available to each child but it can be taught and encouraged.  Kids can ask themselves what they did well, what could they improve on?  Facilitating such questions encourages kids to think of and evaluate their own performance. It is an awesome conversation to have during practice and alone time with your child.  A non-judgemental approach while offering positive feedback of what and when they performed well works!

The most effective parent communication in the car, home and sideline is to encourage!  If it isn’t naturally obvious then research supports how positive feedback wins.  Mistakes are less frequent and repeated with positive feedback from adults. Higher performance more easily earned.  Identify what is wrong and correcting it is far less effective.  Feedback when something goes RIGHT is better.  For example, coaches want soccer midfielders to receive a pass by turning with the ball to take on defenders.  When it doesn’t happen coaches typically correct at that moment, that does not work!  Far more effective is to applaud, reward when done correctly.  That encourages skill to be repeated correctly.  It is that simple!

IS THE COMPETITIVE TEAM WORKING FOR YOUR CHILD?

The car ride home!  So, how was practice?  Fun?  What did you learn?  How is Coach, teammates?  What do you like or not like about practice, game, players and coach?  What is your favorite part of this team?  She will tell you with words and non-words.  Surprise, she may want to quit. 

What to do if your child wants to quit? If you make kids finish what they start they may turn very reluctant to try anything new.  How can they possibly know what a new experience will be like until they jump in and try.  If they know there is no way to get out of it they may be very reluctant to try new adventures. 

On the other hand, if the sport is not working for her it is still an awesome experience to learn from.  Probably much better to learn from a difficult situation than an easy fit.  People learn much about the self with what they do not like.

MOTIVATION

Coach and Parents provide much of the external motivation to players.  The two major styles boil down to negative and encouraging.  The interesting part is, yes encouraging is a far more effective influence on performance and interest.  But, depending on the player, either one can be effective. 

Part of an experiment had rugby players watch great plays they made with positive feedback from the coach.  Other players watched opposing players making great plays with the coach making such comments as, “Don’t let him get away with that today.”  The positive feedback led to better game performance.  The feedback that was less positive, considered more threatening, led to a poorer game performance.

In another experiment,  a full day after a game coaches met with players for one hour.  Some players were shown their best moments and positive comments from the coach.  Other players were shown their worst moments and received critical comments such as, “Why couldn’t you do that right?”  A week later the players who received positive feedback performed better during a game.

To read such results seems easy to agree with.  Putting into practice an encouraging approach is apparently difficult to put in place.  We can agree the encouraging approach simply works. It keeps players interested to keep playing and to improve game performance. 

It is extremely important to know that not all players respond to an aggressive approach with poor performance.  Some players respond well to a critical, hard line approach.  Most do not, but some do.  The point is, get to know your players, your kids.  Be a scientist. Try different approaches and see what works.  Better yet, start with encouragement.  If some players do not respond then try a more gradual, assertive approach.  Check out the response and work with that. 

DIFFERENT STRATEGIES TO MOTIVATE!

Let’s look at our kids like they are fixed wired…they are wired a certain way.  How it developed does not matter. It may have been developed from hereditary, environmental forces, or both.  How this wiring came about does not matter.

What does matter is that we understand that people have certain, specific, individualized programs that want information presented in a certain way for them to respond to.  They are programs that decide what people pay attention to…provide the structure to what we pay attention to… a pattern of organizing experience which leads to behavior.

Everybody has a tendency toward how we organize and understand experience…knowing how our players organize and respond to external experience gives us an idea of what motivates them to action…

  1. Move toward or away – do you “ACT” to move toward a goal such as winning the game to win the league/sectionals,regional/states, the WANT of a high status amongst peers/parents/soccer “junkies,” …OR… do you act to avoid pain, to avoid losing. Do you practice/play at a certain level to avoid trouble or because you want to win.  Do you practice with intensity because you want to be prepared for a game and perform well to get the positive feeling of accomplishment… or… do you prepare for a game because you do not want to fail and you want to avoid all the negative comments from others. You want to avoid any negative internal talk, negative pictures of peers/adults looking at you in a disappointing manner which leads to a poor feeling of the situation and self.
  2. Possibility vs. Necessity – An athlete wired for possibility moves to action because they want to.  They seek options when problem solving. They seek new experiences, choices, paths.  Interested in what is not known, what can happen or evolve, what opportunities may develop.  An athlete wired for necessity will take what life has to offer.  They do something they must do.  They are NOT looking for what is possible, or an infinite variety of experience. They often say, “it has to be done,” and go about their business.  You can explain to them all the benefits because they competed at a high level and won, but will not be motivated to action until it is explained to them that, “IT IS SOMETHING THAT HAS TO HAPPEN.”
  3. Matcher vs. Mis-matcher – As Coaches and Parents we sometimes work with young athletes who  sometimes oppose ideas or directions to be successful…very often we deal with young people who are chronic mis-matchers. They have to change their routine in order to be comfortable with their situation.  They have to change their routine just for the sake of changing their routine.  They are probably NOT trying to cause a problem although they recognize they will probably create a problem by asking to change the practice routine, field position, how to execute a play, stand instead of sit at the end of a practice.  Recognizing this pattern in a player allows us to deal with them in a manner that is good for them.   The Matcher is easier to deal with because they love to follow the same routine everyday, so a school environment is generally a place for them to feel comfortable as long as the people around them understand how they work.  A Mismatcher as a Penalty Stiker may cause trouble for a Coach because they change their approach to the ball once in a while.  This can be alarming to a Coach or teammates, BUT, if the Mismatcher continues to be successful then leave them alone and encourage their process of penalty kicks.
    When structure is offered on the field and a teammate has a difficult time executing what was learned in practice, the Matcher can find this frustrating and feel a sense of defeat.  Knowing this process in a player helps us, as Coaches and Parents, to help the Matcher understand how the other players, Mismatchers, operate and how we can work together to achieve our common goal…WIN AS A TEAM!!!
  4. A player competing in a game, and practice, will “talk” to themselves at a rate of 2,000 words per minute.  That communication is mixed with words, pictures, sounds and feelings heavily influenced by their self talk.   We need to teach our players/kids how to talk with  themselves toward success on the field.

ALL of this requires practice and paying attention to all of their communication…verbal and nonverbal.  So much of what we do is paying attention to them and learning who they are and what makes them tick…our kids, our players!!!

HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD PREPARE FOR GAME DAY

Preparing to do well happens during practice, training.  How to help your child prepare for a game will not improve ability, it’s about helping reach potential.  Practice and training is behind you.  Now, it’s game time!  So guess what the first part of game prep is?  Sleep…good luck!

For many tournaments,  players can see multiple games in a two day weekend.  (Is that too many, oh ya!)  So, sleep is an issue.  Coupled with social time at night and sleeping in hotels in different beds, sleep becomes a neglected necessity.  Lack of sleep will impact their response time, quick decision making, motor ability and overall physical being and happiness.

Warm up correctly is big!  Warm up then introduce spurts of high intensity such as sprints, sprint type drills and short rest.  When properly warmed up the issue is to maintain it.  If there is a long time before your player competes it is important to stay warmed up with clothing and repeated warm up.  Of course, if the outside temperature is very hot then do not bundle up too much.

Warm up correctly is big!  Warm up then introduce spurts of high intensity such as sprints, sprint type drills and short rest.  When properly warmed up the issue is to maintain it.  If there is a long time before your player competes it is important to stay warmed up with clothing and repeated warm up.  Of course, if the outside temperature is very hot then do not bundle up too much.

Let’s keep kids participating if they want to.  Kids should not be quitting because adults take the fun out of it.  Our kids can play at a level that works for them.  If it is the enjoyment of the sport with no great desire to improve then great.  If enjoyment is to excel then great.  Each experience keeps them in the game if that is what they want.

For parents...ENCOURAGE and LOVE them!

Bob Audley

    • National Soccer Coaches Association of America Coaching Academy: National Diploma
    • Selected 9 times for Teacher Appreciation night for Athletic/Student night
    • Junior Varsity Girls Soccer Head Coach for 5 years
    • Varsity Girls Soccer Assistant
    • Modified Girls Soccer Coach 5 years 
    • Girls Soccer Coach for 2 Tournament Teams
    • Boys Lacrosse Coach for 1 Tournament Team
    • School and Recreation Basketball Coach
    • Youth Soccer U8 &U10 Director
    • Soccer Camp Director 
    • Girls Soccer Camp Director with Town Recreation Department
    • Author: Raising Kid Performance at home, in the classroom and on the playing field
    • 33 years-Special Education Teacher New York and Maryland
    • New York State Lottery Teacher of the Week

Here’s to you and your child’s success in & out of the classroom,

Robert Audley

Educator | Author | Counselor | Coach | Parent

Want More Help Empowering Your Kids? Click The Face!​

Our Win&Grin program delivers daily emails from Bob for the next 6 months. These messages are designed using Bob's 30+ years as an educator to help you talk with your kids and give them the vital skills they need to succeed in and out of the classroom​

Contact

7768 Mayfair Circle,
Ellicott City, Maryland 21043
315-382-7691

About Robert Audley

Robert has dedicated his life, both professional and personal, to helping kids overcome their unique obstacles. He’s worked in a broad range of education- and counseling-oriented positions, providing specialized services to challenged and at-risk students. Continued learning and work in the field gives him an ever-expanding arsenal of tools and techniques from which to draw. 

Recent Posts
HOW Parents can motivate their children to learn?

HI! I have been a parent, teacher and coach for the last 37 years…still am! Our kids spend

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My Family LOVED…LOVES…Youth Sports!

My Family LOVED…LOVES…Youth Sports! Before our first child was born, my dad’s side of the family stated, “Well,

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